There Is Hope Around the Corner If You Are Strong Enough to Ask for Help
Before I started at Narconon, I was living in an endless downward spiral. I would become sober for a few months then have an incident with my work, mom or girlfriend and relapse. My sobriety was unstable at best and this last relapse was the worst of all.
I got to know a dealer that I thought I trusted, and I moved him and his girlfriend in with me. Soon they took over my bedroom and my car and they were always using me to drive them around and do things for them. They would take my car without my permission and always used my EBT, which was the only way to feed myself since I didn’t have a job. I wasn’t okay with any of it, but I allowed it because they gave me drugs.
I missed Christmas with my little girl, I quit my job, allowed my car to be destroyed and eventually lost my apartment. That’s when I came to Narconon. I was angry and hurt that I had to be here and desperately wanted to leave. I fought with staff and attempted to leave on several occasions. However, I decided to stay and give the program my best shot.
I got so much clarity out of withdrawal and perspective out of the sauna program, but it was the Objectives that really changed my outlook on everything. Working with my twin and with Mike I was able to put myself in the moment instead of living inside my head. I never realized how much I didn’t perceive. The final steps of my program taught me more about the people in my life and my effects on the world around me.
“It’ll seem as if you’ve lost everything but you have your life and people who care about you. If you have a child, just know that you may be sacrificing spending time with them right now, in the end, it’ll be worth it to be fully aware and really be there with them.”
If I could talk to someone who is currently in the position I was in, I would say that “I know the moment seems dark, but there is hope around the corner if you are strong enough to ask for help. It’ll seem as if you’ve lost everything but you have your life and people who care about you. If you have a child, just know that you may be sacrificing spending time with them right now, but in the end, it’ll be worth it to be fully aware and really be there with them.”
I’ve learned that everyone is blessed and if you don’t appreciate those blessings, other people will appreciate them for you. All change is inevitable, you just have to be willing to make that change into a positive one. The truth is that when I started this program I had a set date in mind—April 7th. I had taken leave from my job and my boss told me I had to be back to work by that date. As I started the Objectives I was able to get out of my head and that date and job disappeared from my mind as I focused more on myself.
I got so into the Objectives that I didn’t realize when that date passed me by. I was in a panic and freaked out for a whole week. I was falling apart. Then I started to analyze why I was freaking out. During my drug use, I lost pretty much everything and nearly lost custody of my daughter. I thought that if I could hold onto the job, I wouldn’t have to start again without anything and that I wouldn’t have given over everything to drugs. Little did I realize that the only thing a lifestyle like that leads to is complete and utter devastation.
I know now that the only way to accept that I was damaging all the things in my life was to let go of everything I endangered. I compare it to building a house on a shaky foundation. When I was sober I was able to get an apartment, a car, a girlfriend and my job. My sobriety was constantly at risk though, and I was always at risk of losing it all. Now I am proud of my sobriety and I’m confident I can keep it. I feel secure in knowing that I can build my life on a foundation that is solid and strong.
Narconon Colorado Graduate—Jerome